Oh my goodness, I don't blame you for that pet peeve. I think I'd get a bit tired of it as well. I mean, how dare you love your children so much that you'll bring food that doesn't make them physiclaly ill!? How inconsiderate! There are so many options out there that could include everyone, even if they're not exactly "what we've always had". If what you've always had could put someone in the hospital, then perhaps you shouldn't be having it.

Big hugs-I've only recently found your blog and just love it, and cannot wait to run my errands tomorrow because I think my darling husband is going to purchase your cookbook for me, though he doesn't know it yet! I'll be sure to act very surprised when I open it!

By the same token, though, please don't assume that soy is a safe substitute, and if you put it in something, make sure you label it. Most people with peanut allergies also have some soy sensitivity. More times than I like to think about, I've had unpleasant reactions to dishes I had no idea contained soy, until someone said "Oh yeah, I made it healthy!"

absolutely, Beth. Soy is a very common allergen. Great point, thank you.

xoxo steph

Looks like an easy and tasty stuffing recipe Steph! I am sure many folks will enjoy it! Happy T-day! -Ali :)

I'm so glad you talked about this, Stephanie. It's a big issue for so many. Your cheerful advice is bound to help a lot of people.

And I would love to taste that cornbread stuffing!

I love you. Plain and simple. I love your blog. I love your ideas. And I am so glad someone just came right out and said it - why do we have to make two of everything, why can't we just skip the gluten in the first place?

I have a wonderfully loving family who have a pantry stocked with GF foods for when my boys come to visit - but when big holidays roll around I know to brace for the call asking me to make a gluten-free version for just us. I'd rather (a) make a ton for everyone or (b) make everything myself and eat at home with my family. It would just be easier.

My partner is allergic to corn, including popcorn, corn syrup, corn meal, corn starch, et cetera ad nauseum, quite literally.

He prefers if people don't go out of their way to make corn-free meals at large gatherings. If it's just the two of us and another couple or something, then sure, it's probably best to make the whole thing corn-free. But at large gatherings there will be enough options that he can avoid anything that's likely to have corn in it, and casually ask about ingredients in some cases. ("So, how do you make your gravy, do you thicken it with flour?" he'll ask.) It makes him uncomfortable when people make a big deal out of his allergy, so usually he won't even mention it. He just deals with it himself.

I understand that the two cases are not entirely comparable; while corn is pretty ubiquitous in this, our corn lobby nation, it's not as ubiquitous as gluten, I don't think. And if he eats corn he won't die, he'll just get uncomfortably sick. So, it's easier for him not to make a big deal of it.

That said, while "making everyone feel included" is a laudable goal, there's also something to be said for "accepting people's differences." And gluten's out there; it's not like the gluten intolerant can ban it from their schools and work places, so it doesn't make much sense to me to try to ban it from any sizable gathering.

So I say bring the pecan pie. Bring the apple one too. Just make sure the person with the allergy can tell that his or her allergen is in that food, even if that means seeking them out to tell them. (Of course, if they're one of the "will die if I am even in the same room with nuts" people, don't bring it, obviously. I'm allergic to nuts, but not that allergic.)

And I don't see why a family should change their traditions, so long as they're not forcing the crescent rolls down everyone's throats. Maybe they've got fussy kids they don't want to be fighting with at the dinner table while they have guests over, or maybe someone in their family has food issues as well. Have some corn bread there too, and all is good. Just don't make a big deal out of who takes which item.

Having grown up in a religion that caused me to be singled out quite frequently in my grade school years, I think it's making a big deal out of differences that is upsetting to kids, not the differences themselves. If no one calls attention to the fact that you're not eating from a certain dish, no one will really notice.

Zannie,

thank you for sharing a different perspective! I agree whole-heartedly with what you wrote.
xoxo steph

Zannie - you've given me a bit to chew on. Hum....

Thanks for this post. I was just stressing about what my dairy-free, wheat-free, egg-free 2 year old is going to eat at a relative's Thanksgiving. She still doesn't realize the difference yet, but it's starting to get clearer and clearer; like today when her friends got to eat those cool squeezy yogurt sticks and she couldn't have one. Perhaps I will offer to bring the stuffing this year.

Soy is a very common allergen. Great point, thank you.

Thanks. I always try to be sensitive to the allergy people. Last week I went to a birthday party for one of PP's friends, and even though six of the kids in the room have a dairy issue, which is clearly posted on the wall, what did the hosts serve....ice cream cake!

I am going to actually copy and email this recipe to a GF friend of mine at work. No one at work knows I blog, so I can't direct them here.

But thanks for sharing the yumminess.

Hi, I just discovered your blog and LOVE IT. I just got off wheat only a week ago. However, I don't know much about it and was confused when you said you don't eat Rye, or Oat...etc. either. It gave me fear that I might be doing it wrong. I've been eating such things. Why do you not eat those? .....Looking forward to making some more of your recipes, especially this one. :)

Wow, this progressive dinner is such a great "event" and your stuffing sounds delicious. We always do a Southwest style Thanksgiving and cornbread is a good ingredient for that "theme." Love your "start a new tradition" comment! Great advice.
Melissa

Zannie, you bring up some very good points, and I think that you're spot on!

I didn't get across specifically what I was responding to in Stephanies original post-I was dismayed that anyone would make a statement along the lines of "I WOULD have brought my world-famous blah-di-blah-blah but because of THIS CHILD I couldn't do that." Implying, of course, that this childs allergy is just an incredible inconvenience to them personally on an ongoing basis. I know people do it, but it still amazes me that they could possibly think it isn't offensive to the parents and hurtful to the child.

But I didn't exactly say that did I? Thanks for giving me an opportunity to clarify!

Just started reading your blog as found it thru the progressive dinner. Love your thoughts and this year I hosted my first Thanksgiving dinner (canada so in oct). I wanted to prove to my family and friends and mostly myself that I could make a traditional turkey dinner all Gluten and Lactose Free. Had 10 people over and it was fabulous. Even did stuffing inside the turkey and had pumpkin and lemon pies. Nobody walked away feeling that they missed something all bellies were full and satisfied.
Im interested in your stuffing and may just try it for xmas.
Cheers and Happy US thanksgiving.

Can I add on to your rant?

Don't go on and on about how in your day kids didn't have allergies and you wonder if the parents are just spoiling them. "A little bit of nuts never hurt anybody right?"

*headdesk*

My husband is one of those 'will have a reaction if he's even in the same room as a peanut' types, and we get that all the time. Even though he's 35.

Sailrox-I'm sure the allergies existed but the medical profession did not know enough about food intolerance and allergy to realize it "in their day". 50 years ago I doubt a severe allergic reaction would have been recognized by most people for what it was. Thank goodness things have changed!

By the same token, if a guest has severe food restrictions it is nice to at least offer to help bring *something.* My SIL has celiac disease and I am hosting tg-ving for 14 this year, and I emailed her last week and asked if she would bring a second GF desert. She never even asnwered me. She and my BIL never bring ANYTHING to holiday meals, even though everyone else in the family contributes, and it doesn't really make me want to go out of my way to make a bunch of special dishes.

interesting, Anon. I'm sorry you are facing this challenge. I agree with you---quite frustrating.

xoxo steph

We will be having a thanksgiving dinner free of dairy, egg, soy, peanut, treenut, fish, and shellfish! And it will look and taste like everyone else's Thanksgiving dinner! I agree that it can be done!

However, I am another one who doesn't ask or expect others to make the effort to make something "Safe". Frankly I don't trust them to read a label correctly and even if they do - the cross contamination issues are huge if they aren't used to dealing with it! The ER visit just isn't worth the risk!

My sister told me I was in charge of the stuffing this year and I got SO EXCITED because it meant I got to make this! Yipee! Happy holidays Stephanie!

Absolutely, Schmoomom, that sort of comment is incredibly rude. Either accommodate the allergy or don't (preferably do, whether you make the whole meal allergen free or not) but don't make yourself a martyr about having done it. I was going to say as much in my original comment, but I thought I'd gone on long enough. :)

Your recipe sounds delicious and thank you for your rant! It is exactly how we feel. My son is milk and egg allergic and we get the pity voice which drives me up the wall when we say he can't have something. I can make something taste just as good or better and there is no need for pity LOL!

4 people in my close circle of friends/family have celiac disease so I've become much more aware of gluten free cooking. I agree that for the most part, it's easy to tweak recipes to fit their dietary restrictions and still serve delicious meals. In fact, I made all of the food for one girl's bridal shower a few years ago. Completely gluten-free and the guests had no idea. ;) Another attendee also had celiac disease and was so excited to realize she could literally eat everything that was being served.

Good for you for bringing this up!

I have food sensitivities (certain foods trigger migraines, nausea, diarrhea, heartburn, etc.). Only my parents make sure that *everything* is free of what I can't have. At Thanksgiving, I just carefully pick and choose what I eat and what I don't.

Thanks for posting this. I hate making a big deal about my gluten intolerance, but it is what it is. I like that you encourage togetherness. My mom's great and makes a gluten-free stuffing, and I always make dessert for my gf uncle and myself. The rest of the fam still eats wheat rolls, but we get tons to eat as it is. My dad also always buys rice crackers to go with the cheese!

Thanks for raising awareness.

Great information. I just taught a gluten free holiday class at Whole Foods (Napa) and the questions were endless. It is such a complex subject, especially this time of year.
It's been a great 'party' so far...with dessert tomorrow:) The stuffing looks fabulous, too!

If enough people have different allergies, it is impossible to cook something they can all eat. When I was a child our extended family gatherings had four types of dressing and two different gravies.

Mary Anne in Kentucky

:) Yay Steph! My mum is gluten-intolerant but doesn't point it out - it's not such a bad allergy that it can make her much sicker than giving her ezcema. But a friend has celiac (and IBS) and I accidentally fed her gluten once (in Australia, Coles does not clearly mark whether their powdered sugar/icing sugar is gluten free) and I felt so guilty. So now I'm always first in line to offer to make something gluten-free, because I've seen what gluten can do and I'd never wish that on anyone. Plus, you know, most of my friends can't and don't bake and I do so at least once a week, if not every day. :P

And sailrox, I've been wondering about whether food allergies are more common these days due to chemicals/diff way of life, because it does seem very prevalent now. Wonder if it was just mis-diagnosis? It's a scary thought. :(

My MIL is allergic to onion - she will get her own stuffing. It seems that EVERYTHING (meat or vegan stocks) has onion in it, so it is just easier to make hers separate.

I have to agree with one of your posters:
That said, while "making everyone feel included" is a laudable goal, there's also something to be said for "accepting people's differences."

Try growing up Jewish (keeping Kosher) in a decidedly non-Jewish cheeseburger world.

I saw a link to this on another blog and when I saw the title I knew I had to check it out. My dad is a celiac (something that was finally diagnosed only a few years ago) so that has led to some changes in the Thanksgiving plan (more so I'm just adjusting my cheesecake recipe to use gluten free graham crackers instead). My mom is bringing some other dishes as well. I know not everything will be gluten free, but trying to do as much as we can (I know Dad will just avoid the things he can't eat). I think I might check out the wild rice recipe that you have linked as part of your progressive dinner.

Our 6yo was diagnosed with celiac 15 months ago, the day before she began kindergarten. I didn't have time to consider all the approaches to handling her allergy: I simply made it clear that it was our responsibility to teach her to live in a world where gluten exists and how to navigate that world in a way that kept her safe. That means bringing foods that are great for all to enjoy. I do not ask anyone to retrofit their holiday to accommodate her allergy. It is our responsibility. I really wish more people could have this attitude.

I am so with you on that pet peeve Stephanie! I remember comments being made every year at Thanksgiving about how the hostess hoped the turkey was OK since she couldn't use butter on it the way she wanted since my child couldn't have dairy. That was the only accomadation I asked for, we brought special bread, dessert, a plate of raw veggies. Was it too much to ask that she be able to eat the main course?

I do think it is sometimes just easier to handle it yourself rather then try and explain it to people who are rather clueless about it and then trust they got it right. That's why I always bring a gluten free/milk free bread product, a veggie dish, a nibble and a dessert. I feel it is my responsibility to make it so my daughter can safely eat at family gatherings and would never ask anyone to make the whole meal GFCF...but on the other hand I think the small adjustment of swtiching from butter to olive oil on the turkey could have been made without complaint. Especially since it concerned the health of a child.

-Jen :)
schooldownthelane.wordpress.com

I also wanted to respond to the comment Beth made about sneaking things in because they are healthy.

We once attended an event where they served a spagetti dinner. I brought food for my daughter but didn't even think about my son who has a mild soy intolerance (he can eat soy sauce and small amounts in other foods but cannot drink soy milk or eat tofu or other soy products).

After they ate I overheard the host bragging how "all those kids ate the pasta and didn't even realize that the sauce was healthy" She was tickled pink that she had tricked them into eating a soy based meat replacement.

I think my horrified reaction (I was very polite but didn't sugar coat) and subsequent report of my son's night of vomiting will make her think twice about doing it again.

-Jen :)

OK, this is morbid-but some research indicates that mortality rates in children under 5 were 5 times greater in the US in the 1950's.

Is it entirely out of the question that some of this was due to food allergies? It could well be that it's simply that allergies are now recognized for what they are.

I don't mean to ook anyone out or anything, but it warrants thinking about when dealing with older relatives.

I completely understand the pecan pie thing - I am SEVERLEY allergic to nuts and have to carry an epi pen with me in case I do react. I am so allergic that even the SCENT of some nuts will send me into a reaction.

So please please please check for allergies. :) And don't complain about accomodating someone's allergy.....you would want the same respect if it were you.

Steph, my concern with having someone outside the immediate household bring the GF item or whatever would be cross-contamination. From my own non-GF perspective, it's not that I wouldn't be willing to make a GF food item (we went through a whole period of GF experimentation awhile back, I know where to find the products and I can make a mean GF-recipe chocolate chip cookie), but that I'd be concerned that my non-GF kitchen and utensils might inadvertently "gluten" someone, even with the "right" products and recipes. I'd hate to happily hand over my seemingly harmless contribution and then have it make somebody sick anyway.

Should I be so concerned when I'm on the cooking end?

Mama Squirrel, that is an excellent concern. Yes, I think you are absolutely right to have that thought, and my suggestion would be to discuss it with the person with the allergies.

I've learned so much just through reading these comments, and think that asking the person directly their thoughts is probably the very best bet. Different people have different thresholds for tolerance, and while some would welcome your offering, you're completely right---some might be too sensitive to cross-contamination to take the risk.

It's such a tricky situation, and one that I grapple with. In a perfect world, I'd want to host absolutely everything to ensure I knew exact ingredients and procedure. I feel pretty vulnerable this year, actually.

very interesting conversation and conundrum!

xoxo steph

Excellent post, Stephanie! Great cornbread stuffing, too. I just made some stuffing that turned out really well and was easy although I didn't use my crockpot this time.

I think the answer is always to treat others the way you'd like to be treated. I have several members of my support group who will be having their first Thanksgiving gluten free (and some with other intolerances as well). They are understandably concerned if they are not the ones hosting. They are willing to take a lot of dishes, but don't want to have to take their own turkey, big stuff, etc.

While I don't expect others to totally revamp menus or leave out all their glutened favorites, I do think it's reasonable for them to make easy accomodations when possible--like you said, Stephanie. I've heard others say that they wish every food intolerance would get as much respect as peanut allergies typically do (and, of course, should!). If folks know there's a peanut allergy, they get rid of the peanuts. Period. Those of us on a gluten-free diet don't have an anaphylactic reaction like a peanut one (not typically anyway), but we do have terrible reactions (although we've been known to suffer in relative silence) and even when we don't experience a reaction, the damage is still being done to our bodies by gluten. So, all that to say, please ... meet in the middle.

We'll bring some food to your house if you eat gluten and we'll look for some naturally gluten fee dishes (that won't be cross contaminated), too. Sometimes you might be pleasantly surprised to discover that the dish you altered to make gluten free, dairy free, etc. is now your new favorite. Again, please treat folks the way you want to be treated. Imagine going to a meal where you couldn't eat anything ... or could only eat the salad. While Thanksgiving is certainly about family and friends, it's also about the food and we should all be able to eat an adequate amount of food safely. I'll be the first to tell you that I really didn't fully "get" food intolerances, until I needed to eat gluten free myself, so I am sympathetic, but be willing to learn and adapt. Love your family and friends as best you can and that means by providing them safe food, too. It doesn't have to be hard. So many foods/dishes are naturally gluten free, dairy free, etc.

Shirley

Mama squirrel, can I have your "mean GF chocolate chip cookie recipe"??? That'd be awesome. :)

Cookie recipe: It's on our blog, here:

http://tinyurl.com/3eukch .

I am 57 years old, and discovered my gluten intolerance about two and a half years ago. My experience with my family is that my own Mother is offended if I don't eat her dressing, her chicken and dumplings, her squash casserole, her whatever. She says to me, "one serving won't kill you." and my siblings, also in their 50's, all agree with my mother. They don't seem to understand that while NO, it won't kill me, it WILL cause me to have days of diahrrea, migraine headaches, cause my joints to hurt so bad I have to stay in bed for days. I am not willing to eat something that poisons me just to make sure my mother's feeling aren't hurt.

My solution has been to simply not go to family functions. If my family loved me enough to understand my intolerance, they would at least not urge me to eat those things, or at best, would make SOMETHING I could eat.

Hey, Sorry to say this b/c i love your blog but the Pumpkin Pecan Cheesecake recipe link is wrong.

Thank you SO much for putting this up on your page. It will truly make a difference for my family this holiday. I have only been GF for 18 months. Add that to being pregnant and I am having some horrible gluten cravings! Seeing such yummy options with recipes, I am in Heaven!

Oh, I also wanted to mention, that I appreciate the fact that you are GF, but don't dwell on it. When I eat your recipes, I feel like I am eating like a normal person not on a special diet.

Hold the phone there Karen-

did you say joint pain? As in, excrutiating, can't pick up a bedsheet off the floor without crying, joint pain?

I'm going to go check out a celiac disease checklist-my joint pain is a complete mystery to my doctors, but guess who was the one crying the other day because picking up a bedsheet hurt so much?

Stephanie-

While I agree in theory with the opinion that "everyone should be included" it is not always possible. From personal experience dealing with the varied alleries (dairy, soy, corn, tree nuts, fish & shellfish, black pepper, strawberries, yeast/mold & alcohol), intolerances (onions & raspberries) aversions (mushrooms & certain food textures/shapes) and dietary restrictions (keeping Kosher or vegan) of my family, I know that making sure everyone can eat everything is just plain impossible. Planning a meal that keeps everone SAFE is the highest priority of course, but it does require a bit of effort from everyone.

Wow, many good points! My husband is allergic to turkey (and chicken) and every year the whole family drools over his steak. However, the rest of the year, I worry about chicken broth and cross-contamination. Crossing my fingers our children don't develop food allergies (none so far) but I agree with Stephanie on the new traditions!

I should clarify that-my doctors do know what they feel is the problem, what they cannot figure out is why my joint pain increases or decreases with no other known contributing factors. I am going to look into food intolerances as a possible cause for the seemingly random dramatic differences in pain levels from day to day.

I didn't phrase that well at all, my apologies!

Thank you for putting so many yummy gluten-free recipes out there! I worked a a GI nurse for years and patients would be so upset when diagnosed with Celiac. They would often say "What am I going to eat?" This is such a wonderful resource that even though I have changed to ER nursing, that I recommend your web site to all my celiac patients. I know several GI docs and nutritionists that tell patients about your site also!

hi

i just discovered your blog. and it is SOOOO cool. i'm 21 and a college student and i just bought my first crock pot (and have used it 3 times already!) i'm so excited to see everything you make and try your recipes :)

Schmoomom, I have the same problem. It's so strange. The joints in my fingers have been hurting me for ten years! Doctors have not been able to help me. The pain is worse at times for no apparent reason. One day I really felt the Lord was calling me to give up wheat because of my joint pain. I was reluctant and angry about doing so - fearful of what I'd have to sacrifice...etc. It's been only 2 weeks but already I feel so much better. Not only in my hands, but also in my tummy. I've even lost weight and I really like my new diet. It's not hard to not eat wheat because I want to feel good. I especially love brown rice bread. I like it even better than dumb old whole wheat. :) I hope things work out for you. :)
AJ

I think it is interesting to hear all those posts. I like it that you try to make foods that are normal tasting with your allergy. But what I have had trouble with is people with allergies forcing their food on me. I do not have allergies, but I do struggle with some other issues with food. I do not mind being really careful of your allergies, not eating something because you are there or anything like that, but to make a huge deal about it, draw tons of attention to yourself, describe what happens to you when you eat it etc. It can ruin a meal. I have friends who have celiac disease who are so gracious and you would never know, yet they follow their diet carefully and others who are make you feel about 2" high if you even mention something with wheat in it.

That's a good point, Martha. This conversation reminds me of a good point my mom reminds me of when I'm feeling out of sorts: you can't change people, you can only change your reaction to them.

but it still is really really hard sometimes. :-)

xoxo steph

I’m lactose intolerant and have always dreaded the holidays, as all the food seems to be loaded with dairy. After a recommendation of one of my friends, I found this nutrition coach named Rose Cole who has a holiday cookbook and has tons of dairy free recipes. Her site is www.RoseCole.com/HolidayCookbook

I know this comment is super late, but I think this post is wonderful and I hope you do another one for this coming Thanksgiving.

I was allergic to wheat for many years and it went away, like your pork allergy, when I was pregnant last year. I am still allergic to egg yolks and know what it is like to try to be part of a celebration without risking being ill in bed for 2 days.

I think it is wonderful to open people's eyes to how many awesome foods there are that spare the top 8 allergies and taste great and include everyone without worry.

Thanks for actively being a wonderful example on how to broaden your culinary horizons to include everyone!

Take care, Heidi

PS> I made this stuffing last year with egg replacer and it turned out awesome and it was also vegan for my cousin ;)